


love is

by aya_modj (ariales)



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 07:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariales/pseuds/aya_modj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By the time Kyoya realizes he has fallen for her, it is too late for him to do anything. A love story in 20 scenes. KyoHaru.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love is

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted last Sept 2009. Reposting here for archiving purposes.  
> Beta by warmsugar.

 

 

 

* * *

**1**.

The truth is, there is really nothing spectacular about her.

The color of her hair is ordinary, her name so common. She is frail, petite, and while her face is of childlike innocence, she is not the type of person whom you’d immediately take notice of.

It is her eyes, though. Two brown pools of swirling emotions --- sharp, penetrating and insightful --- that would make one to take a second glance at her. He tries not to look at her too long. He knows if he does, she can annoyingly provoke some of the emotions he had long tried to steel himself from, like _guilt_ and a sense of _conscience_ maybe; And also because he feels that she can see through him during the times when he is sure his walls of defenses are up protecting him and he cannot afford to be vulnerable, but she still sees through him anyway.

But mostly, he fears that if he stares at her eyes too long, he’ll be swept into their depths and he is afraid of drowning when he is not sure if he can swim back safely to the shore, or worse, if he would even still want to.

It’s a risk he is not yet ready to take.

 

* * *

**2.**

What people do not realize about him is that he has always been a child full of insecurities. How could he not be when he was born as the last son, already overwhelmed by his older brothers’ accomplishments before he could even walk? But somehow ---

He feels safe whenever she’s around, like some sort of charm protecting him from the fears he has always had. Sometimes, he wonders if this is what having a mother is like because no matter how many times he makes fun of her, annoys her, and constantly adds to her debts ( _just because_ ), she would always have a smile for him, a flicker of understanding in her eyes.

Which irritates him greatly because, it’s like --- she’s treating him like one of those attention-seeking kids, and Ootori Kyoya is most definitely not one of them. He is _mature_ , _dependable_ and is one of the possible heirs of the great Ootori zaibatsu and he _absolutely_ does not need her attention for anything in this world. So he retaliates with the only way he knows how.

He brings an important Ootori heirloom in the music room, places it in the middle of the room and waits. And when the sound of breaking glass reaches his ears and she faces him (eyes wide in surprise and guilt), he promptly adds it to her debt --- serves her right --- and smiles in satisfaction.

 

* * *

**3.**

Love is:

\--- (noun) a profoundly tender, passionate affection for a person.

\--- (noun) a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend; affectionate concern for the well-being of others.

\--- (noun) sexual passion or desire, or its gratification.

*

Kyoya thinks the dictionary is being ambiguous and resolves to send a letter of complaint to the publisher.

 

* * *

**4.**

The thing about Haruhi, Kyoya muses as he watches her interact with the other hosts, is that she does _not_ realize just how much she has a hold on their hearts. She could make them weep if she wanted. She could make them happy with a smile. She could turn their worlds upside down with just one word of affection or even a touch of scathing bluntness, and what was amazing was that she didn’t have even the slightest idea about it.

It’s a pity. If only Kyoya could have the same power as hers, he would have taken advantage of it and made them all do his bidding. Unluckily (or luckily), he does not, so he contents himself by making sure he does not fall into the same trap as his friends did, and prides himself as the only one who does _not_ consider Haruhi as the center of the universe, or something equally as stupid.

He smirks as Tamaki tries to grab her from the twins’ grip.

 

* * *

**5.**

There is an extravagant party prepared for them by the school after he and Tamaki graduate. Kyoya is musing about the lights the organizers had put up ( _not bright enough_ ) when Haruhi steps into the party hall wearing a silky light pink sleeveless dress that emphasizes her barely-there curves and a long brown wig swaying neatly on her back. The sight makes him pause and he takes in the way her lips twitch uncomfortably as she tries to walk down the carpeted floor in stilettos (courtesy of the twins), but failing miserably after a few feet so she just wobbles towards the nearest chair and sits. He watches as she takes a glance around before casually taking off the shoes and wiggles her toes in an almost comical manner. And when she leans back, heaves a heavy sigh that causes her fake bangs to flutter before turning to gaze lovingly at the buffet table, it is only then that Kyoya _truly_ stops.

The epiphany hits him but it is an unremarkable one, as if the truth has always been there but has never really been acknowledged. And by the time he does realize this, it is too late for him to do anything. His world has not only been turned upside down but in fact, has already been revolving around her from the start. His heart is in her hand, his soul in the other. He is too far from the safety of the shore and he is hopelessly lost, trapped amidst the swirling pull of the ocean.

He has never been a big fan of clichés, but somehow, he knows that it would only take a fraction of a second for her to say his name, and then there is nothing, _nothing_ that can save him from wanting her.

This, he thinks eloquently, really sucks.

 

* * *

**6.**

Then again, things are never that easy, even for him. No, scratch that, _especially_ for him.

In the end, no matter how many clichés he could think of to explain what he was feeling, these things would never change: An Ootori does not fall in love. An Ootori c _annot_ fall in love. And Kyoya _is_ a pureblood Ootori.

These are the facts that Kyoya was painfully aware of. He was a businessman who cannot afford to show or feel emotions, as these would simply hinder the path to reach one’s goal.

He then stops his men from making reports about her (read: discontinue any stalking). It doesn’t matter to him what she wants to do in college. They are in different schools, live different lives, and the two of them are just too lazy and indifferent to try and contact each other. He sees no point in continuing to do something he cannot gain anything from (besides, he already has enough leverage against her anyway). He stops thinking about her.

Life goes on and Kyoya after all, has never been one to dwell on the past.

So by the time they see each other again in a social party about six years after she graduates from high school and she’s on her way to becoming a well-known lawyer, he simply dismisses the throbbing tugging of his cardiac muscle and the butterflies in the pit of his stomach as nothing but the result of _gas_ (he makes a note to call his doctor).

Six years has been long enough for him to accept the facts and he proves this by smiling at her like he has always done --- bored and condescending --- but is grudgingly pleased to notice that she seems genuinely happy to see him as well.

Then, she steps aside and introduces Azuma who has his hand resting on her back far too long for Kyoya’s liking. His gaze rests on this unusual sight for a brief moment before he casually inquires the particulars of their relationship. Kyoya nods courteously at him.

Ah, ‘ _just a coworker and a_ _friend_.”

When someone calls Haruhi from the other side of the room, Kyoya takes the opportunity to talk to the man. He steers him outside, smiling and nodding at the appropriate times.

_(Emotions are dangerous territory. Facts are not. Remember the facts, Kyoya.)_

Later, Kyoya would remind himself that he only did what he felt was his obligation as a senpai and friend and nothing more: he corners the lawyer against the wall, looks at the frightened man in the eye and --- very politely with the charming smile still in his face --- informs him about the Ootori Police Force under his care, his influence on the Prime Minister, and his ability to make people… _disappear_. Now, these certain facts aren’t really that important except that if Kyoya hears a word about Haruhi getting hurt, he’ll make sure Azuma would experience everything he had previously mentioned first hand.

Not that Kyoya was threatening him or anything. Really. He just wanted to make sure Azuma knows about it, ‘cause he is ‘ _just a coworker and_ _a friend_ ' of Haruhi after all and should be well aware of these things.

He lets go of the stunned lawyer, returns inside the hotel and even he cannot help himself when the thought ‘ _Six years has been damn long enough’_ keeps running through his mind.

 

* * *

**7.**

But even where there is nothing to gain, sometimes there is nothing to lose either. So why hesitate?

 

* * *

**8.**

The next day, Kyoya bumps into Haruhi as she is walking home from the office. Purely coincidental, if anyone asks.

“Senpai,” she greets in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

There are thirteen excuses he could give her, all of which are lies, but he finally settles for “I was taking a walk and enjoying the scenery.” He smirks when she simply gawks at him.

“A _walk_.”

“A walk,” he affirms.

“ _Enjoying the scenery_ ,” she repeats, eyeing the empty and boring streets leading to her house.

“Enjoying the scenery,” he nods.

“That’s… really suspicious,” she says at last as she frowns at him. “Should I be worried?”

He lets his eyes linger on her pursed lips before he meets her gaze. He buries his hands deep in his sweater’s pocket as he looks up at the sky. “It’s going to snow.”

“Well, it should. It’s already winter,” she points out.

He lets out a sharp breath. “I don’t have anything important to do tomorrow.”

She pauses. “I see,” she says, completely not seeing the point of him telling her this news at all.

He raises an eyebrow. “I’m _completely_ free the whole day tomorrow,” he clarifies.

“… _Right_.”

“Do you have any plans for tomorrow?” he asks.

“… I’m doing the laundry,” she answers uncertainly.

“How exciting,” he drawls.

Haruhi’s eyebrow twitches slightly but does not reply.

“How’s your lawyer friend?” he asks completely out of the blue.

“Azuma?” The frown on her face deepens. “Funny you should ask. He just handed in his resignation letter this morning. He didn’t even stop to talk to me about it. He just handed in the letter, packed up his things and left.”

“Really? Such a shame,” he says lightly.

“Yeah, it is.”

“So,” Kyoya suddenly prompts.

“What?” Haruhi asks, beginning to feel really apprehensive.

“I really do not have any plans for tomorrow,” he informs her again, sounding a bit more cheerful than appropriate, considering he had just been told that Haruhi’s friend resigned.

Haruhi stares. And then stares some more— trying to decipher the significant look Kyoya is giving her. Then finally, about ten minutes and twenty-five seconds later she reluctantly asks, “… um, would you like to help me with the laundry tomorrow?”

The corner of his lips tilt upward in a smile, not the usual patronizing one, but a real smile. “That sounds wonderful,” he says in a gentle voice not usually associated with someone who has just been asked to help with the laundry the next day.

Haruhi stares at this rare sight before she smiles in return. “Okay.”

“Can I walk you home?” he asks before his sanity and good judgment returns to him.

She shrugs. “Sure. I don’t see why not.”

Kyoya feels the world spin, but he doesn’t dwell on it too much.

*

These are the facts:

An Ootori does not fall in love.

An Ootori cannot fall in love.

Kyoya is an Ootori.

 _But_ if it would be Haruhi (who is obviously not an Ootori and therefore is an exception to the rule) who falls in love _with_ him, then that would be a completely different matter and wouldn’t be a problem in any way.

An Ootori knows when to compromise after all.

 

* * *

**9.**

Their first date consists of an entire movie theatre being rented out. Haruhi could only stare at the vacant seats all around them as Kyoya patiently tugs on her arm to sit beside him. She rolls her eyes and mutters something about _damn rich bastards_ before she grudgingly sits down.

“Next time,” she says as he opens the door of the car for her later that evening. “Next time, don’t rent the movie theatre or a restaurant just for the two of us,” she hesitates, “I prefer a normal date.”

He regards her briefly. “All right,” he agrees.

For their second date, Kyoya books a table for two in the most expensive restaurant this side of Tokyo. It is not a seafood restaurant, but Haruhi is given a special menu consisting of all her favorite foods, cooked by five of the best culinary chefs in Asia. Halfway through the appetizers, Kyoya receives an urgent call and is forced to leave early, leaving her alone to finish the special delicacies cooked just for the two of them.

It does not surprise him that much when she does not answer his calls the following day and even the apology bouquets he sent her were returned promptly _._

Kyoya is not a quitter, so he gets out of the office and goes straight to her house. He knocks once, twice, thrice, before the door is opened and Haruhi stands by the doorway, a frown on her face. She does not say anything, but simply waits as she looks at him.

Expectation. Hope. Trust.

Kyoya is not sure which of the three burdens him most.

“I’m sorry,” he says at last when she still does not speak after a long moment of silence. He stuffs his hands in his pants’ pocket. “Can we --- try again?”

Haruhi stares calmly at Kyoya that makes him falter slightly, before she nods once. “Come back here this Friday at seven. I’ll wait for you.”

Their third date goes like this: Kyoya sits in the Fujioka’s small kitchen as he eats Haruhi’s homemade dinner together with her and Ranka on that quiet Friday night. Booking an entire movie theatre and hiring the best chef in the world are suddenly nothing compared to that.

 

* * *

**10.**

The first time he kisses her is like falling in a deep abyss of burning flames. He can feel the sparks creeping under his fingertips, up the back of his hand, along his skin and tingling through every nerve of his body. He is not on fire, but the warm, pulsating burn makes his body shiver, and there is a faint tremor in the muscle found somewhere in between his lungs.

She tastes soft and sweet and everything perfect.

He pulls back quickly, almost afraid that he has broken her. But she simply raises a finger to her lips with a slightly disorientated look on her face, as if she too is stunned by what has happened.

So Kyoya decides to do what any Ootori would at that moment: He leans forward and kisses her again. And this time, she kisses him back.

 

* * *

**11.**

_(Once upon a time, Kyoya used to believe in fairytales.)_

_*_

However, not even an Ootori has the power over everything in this world and Kyoya learns it the hard way when his father informs him of their failing stocks and how a marriage to the daughter of Kobayashi Toudou, owner of the fast-rising hotel chains in Asia, would prevent this from happening and would even help the family in the long run.

“Make me proud,” is what Ootori Yoshio imparts before he leaves the bedroom.

*

_(But the thing about fairytales is this: they are not real and there is no such thing as happily ever after.)_

 

* * *

**12.**

Haruhi is anything but selfish.

She looks at him but does not say anything as he explains, his voice calm, steady and a bit apathetic. He wears quite an impressive detached mask as he continues _(“---damage control… we’re trying to try a new venture… appease the board---”_ ). He is not sure if he wants her to know this is all a façade, for her to see through the pretenses, or if it would be better if she believes him (or pretends she does) as to stop the seed of guilt growing in his chest.

When he ceases talking, she simply takes his hand in hers (he tries to ignore the warm sensation in his palms) and says, “I never really imagined this would last this long anyway.”

The words **sting** and before he could reply with an equally scathing remark, she squeezes his hand. “But, it did and I do not regret any single day of being with you,” she pauses. “Except for the times you were being a complete rich bastard, but I guess there’s nothing we could do about that.”

He blinks.

“Thank you for everything,” she finishes with a small smile that makes Kyoya’s heart twist. “And good luck.” She stands up, walks towards the door of the café and gives him a small wave before she pushes it open, the chimes above jingling softly. He stares at the untouched cup of coffee in front him and takes a deep, shaky breath.

The world stops turning and Kyoya wonders, _is this what dying feels like_?

 

* * *

**13.**

Tamaki’s punch is something Kyoya has anticipated but the force of it still left him literally speechless.

His teeth clank roughly against each other, his jaw tingles in pain, and he does not bother to hide the wince that escaped from him. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he straightens up and looks sourly at his friend.

“Kyoya, you ---” Tamaki points a shaking finger at him, lips purse in a tight line and cheeks flushed from the blow he has thrown. The gravity of his anger is keeping him from articulating proper words. “You ---”

“Don’t even start about me hurting her. You left her after you graduated too,” Kyoya says acidly, nursing his aching cheek.

Tamaki’s eyes grow wide and his face turns white, then red before it turns back to white again. Kyoya feels slightly ashamed, but damn it, that punch hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Kyoya quickly mutters.

Thousands of emotions flash through Tamaki’s face, each struggling to vie for dominance. “I didn’t want to leave her,” he finally says, voice unsteady. “I --- You know that! There was no one to handle the business --- Grandmother was sick. It was a promise to the dying! I couldn’t lie to her, I could not ---”

“I know,” Kyoya cuts in. Then he repeats in a soft voice, “I know Tamaki.”

Tamaki glares at him. “Then, you shouldn’t have done the same thing I did to her,” he snaps, a hint of deadly steel in his eyes. “You knew --- you know what she would feel ---”

“I know,” he says again.

Confusion, anger and frustration are clearly etched in Tamaki’s face as he looks at him. “Then why? You can’t do this.” He shakes his head. “You told me you’re going to take care of her.”

“I have an obligation to my family too.”

“You told me,” Tamaki repeats, fists clenching on his side as his voice rises, “you were going to take care of her,” he stresses bitterly.

Kyoya says nothing.

Tamaki raises a hand and runs it through his blond hair. “That’s it then? You’re going to leave her too just like that?” A flash of pain crosses his blue-violet eyes and he unconsciously clutches at his chest. “Don’t do it, Kyoya.”

“I have to protect my fam---”

“Don’t make the same mistake I did,” Tamaki whispers.

Kyoya stops and looks at him. Before him stands the successor of the great Suoh empire whose achievements are starting to receive worldwide fame. He is married to the daughter of a duke from France, and their marriage caused an unbelievable business expansion. He is one of the 100 richest and powerful people in the world, but he is still also Kyoya’s oldest friend, the first person who has seen through him. He has changed, but is still not entirely different from the Tamaki he has always known. He is one of the few people Kyoya would do anything for in this world and they both know this. But ---

Kyoya shakes his head, trying to clear his mind.

“What, still waiting to be chosen as the heir of the Ootori?”

Kyoya’s eyes flash and suddenly, he pushes Tamaki against the wall, his hands digging sharply on Tamaki’s shoulders. “Don’t you dare Tamaki,” he grits his teeth. “Don’t. You. Dare.”

Tamaki is unmovable. He slowly puts his hands over Kyoya’s, gently pushes off him and meets his eyes.

“You disappoint me,” Tamaki says at last before he turns around and leaves the office room.

 

* * *

**14.**

His father says, “Make me proud.” _(Emotions are dangerous territory.)_

Tamaki says, “You disappoint me.” _(Facts are not.)_

Kyoya is at loss. _(Remember the facts, Kyoya.)_

 

* * *

**15.**

“Now, now Lia. Don’t bother your uncle,” Fuyumi scolds gently as she pries her youngest daughter from Kyoya’s legs.

“But uncle Kyo says he read me book,” Lia says stubbornly. “I want uncle Kyo to read me a book!”

Kyoya chuckles as he gently takes Lia’s hands from his knee. “I promise I’ll read to you before I go,” he tells her seriously, ruffling her short black hair. “Why don’t you play with your brother over there and I’ll get you later, okay?”

Lia stares at him before she bobs her head. “’Kay.” She runs off towards the swing at the other side of the garden where Lia’s older brother is playing.

“I don’t get it,” Fuyumi pouts as she sits across him on the garden table. “I’m their mother. They should listen to me first, not to you.”

Kyoya manages a smirk before he takes a sip of tea. They watch as Fuyumi’s children played in the swing set before Fuyumi’s husband suddenly appears in the doorway. The children scream in delight and run toward him. He laughs and twirls them around.

“Do you regret this?” Kyoya asks suddenly.

Fuyumi turns her head at him and Kyoya feels as if he is being examined inside out, her gaze piercing through his entire being until there is nothing else for him to hide from her. Her eyes fall on the engagement ring around Kyoya’s finger before she finally blinks at him.

“He’s a wonderful person,” she says slowly. “I love him. No, I _do_ ,” she insists when Kyoya gives her a doubtful look. “Maybe not when I married him. But he is a really nice man. He loves me and he always wants me to be happy.”

“Are you?” he asks, forehead wrinkling.

“Yes,” she says after a short pause. “I think I am. But sometimes,” she stops and looks at the horizon.

“Sometimes?”

She looks distant, voice soft. “Sometimes I think about what my life could have been. You know— if I didn’t agree to this arrangement.” She pauses, takes a deep breath and sighs. “But what’s done is done. No use crying over spilled milk. Besides, if I didn’t marry him, I wouldn’t have my children whom I love dearly,” she glances slyly at him, “ and you wouldn’t have such a cute niece and nephew.”

He snorts. She swats at his arm playfully. His expression grows somber and he peers at her. “You still haven’t answered my question you know.”

“Oh?”

“Do you regret this?”

He watches her carefully as she takes a sip of her tea and she gives him a rueful smile.

“Does it matter?” she asks mildly. “I already made my decision long ago. I’m happy with my family. I’ve faced the consequences of my choice and here I am. ” She makes a gesture with her hands.

“And here you are,” he murmurs. Fuyumi reaches out for him, and she gently runs a thumb over the back of his hand, smiling faintly.

“But you can still decide what to do,” she urges quietly. “It’s not too late for you.”

He returns her smile, one that does not quite reach his eyes. “Isn’t it?”

 

* * *

**16.**

“What was my mother like?”

Tachibana blinks and quickly stands up from his seat. Kyoya shakes his head and gestures for the older man to sit back down. Kyoya repeats his question. “Why do you ask, sir?”

Kyoya shrugs. Tachibana eyes him carefully.

“Your mother was a beautiful woman. She looked like Fuyumi-sama, except not as tall and her eyes and hair were light brown. She liked to stay in the garden. She loved flowers,” he looks thoughtful, “especially daisies, I think. She always liked to have a vase of daisies in the living room. She was kind and she made it a point to talk to us servants --- She had a gentle laugh,” Tachibana smiles at the memory, “like the sound of ringing bells.”

Kyoya gazes outside the window. “Did she love my father?”

Tachibana frowns slightly. “I don’t think I’m in any position to answer that, Kyoya-sama.”

“It was an arranged marriage, wasn’t it?” Kyoya asks. There was a short pause, then Tachibana nods.

Rich people cannot afford to fall in love. It goes against the rules of wealthy families.

Kyoya smiles humorlessly, what an irony.

“But I am sure she loved her children very much,” Tachibana adds quickly. “She adored each and every one of you.”

Like Fuyumi, Kyoya thinks. She didn’t mind the marriage his father had pushed her into because it gave her two beautiful and wonderful children. He exhales sharply.

“Could you get the car in front? There is somewhere I need to go.”

*

He sits inside the car, waiting.

He does not know how long the car is parked in the corner of the street where it wouldn’t be easily visible from the apartment. A part of him warns that stalking will never get him anywhere, but then again, he is an Ootori and an Ootori never stalks. So he continues to sit there for another half an hour until finally, a familiar figure comes into view and Kyoya grows still.

It does not take more than a few seconds for Haruhi to step outside the apartment and leave their trash in the steel garbage can. But it is enough for Kyoya to make his decision. He tells Tachibana to drive back to the mansion.

 

* * *

**17.**

There is only a month left into his wedding but Kyoya barely leaves his office for the next five days. He is always seen in front of the computer, fiddling with the calculator, and asking his men to find certain files. No one knows what he is doing, and some of his employees wonder if he has finally cracked.

If Kyoya could hear their thoughts, he would have smirked in amusement. But he could not, so he merely continues with his work.

The clock is ticking; it has been long enough. It is time to make a move.

*

His father looks at him over his steeple fingers. “Why?”

“Because I do not want to live my life in regret,” Kyoya says truthfully. “I just don’t want to wonder what my life could have been if I did not follow my heart.”

Ootori Yoshio stares at him, face wrinkled with old age, eyes hardened with years of business dealings, and sighs. “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Kyoya. Merging with Kobayashi right now could keep our company safe for the next ten years.”

“I’ve made plans and proposals that would keep our company alive for the next ten years,” Kyoya informs him, handing him a folder. “Fifteen, if my calculations are correct and I’ve already incorporated everything. There is a ninety-three percent chance that my plans will be successful, father. I would like you to consider it.”

Yoshio glances at the folder briefly before looking back at him. “Ninety-three percent,” he repeats. “What of the other seven?”

“Life isn’t perfect,” Kyoya shrugs. “There are risks one should be willing to take. I’ve merely included that in my calculations.”

“And this,” his father gestures at Kyoya’s engagement ring lying on the table, “ _this_ is your gamble?”

Kyoya suddenly envisions a pair of wide brown eyes and a smile that has the uncanny ability to send him careening to the edge of some unknown cliff, just one step forward and there is nothing to keep him from falling.

He closes his eyes and exhales softly.

“Yes. I do believe it is.”

 

* * *

**18.**

Haruhi opens the door and suddenly stops. Her forehead wrinkles, and with pursed lips she asks in a flat tone, “Kyoya, what are you doing here?”

Kyoya takes a deep breath and pushes his hands in his jacket’s pocket. “I don’t have any plans for tonight.”

She stares.

“I really, _really_ do not have anything to do tonight,” he repeats and cocks an eyebrow upward.

She is still staring, still frowning. Kyoya considers her for a moment.

“Are you… doing anything tonight?” he asks uncertainly.

Her mouth snaps shut and she straightens up, leaning slightly against the doorway as her gaze falls on his now ring-less finger. She looks up calmly at him.

“Yes,” she answers at last. “I already have plans.”

His heart sinks and he knows it is too late. He tried and for the first time, he failed. Disappointment and losing control seems to be the things he has learned from dealing with Haruhi, but now, he feels more like a real person than he ever felt before.

There could be no regrets because this is his decision and now, he must face the consequences of his choice. It is the risk he has taken.

“Right,” he says impassively as he turns on his heels and begins to walk away.

“Can you stay long?” she calls out.

Kyoya pauses and glances back. “What?”

“Can you stay?” she asks again. “I’ve got tons of laundry ‘cause dad is just too lazy to do it on his own. So, it might just take time.” She shrugs.

He blinks, before a smile creeps up his face and he slowly walks back towards her door. “If we can’t finish it tonight,” he says confidently, “I could always come back tomorrow. Or anytime you want.”

She lets out a sharp breath but eventually gives him a smile.

The world spins again and Kyoya comes undone.

 

* * *

**19.**

Sometimes, Kyoya finds himself wondering why he married her.

There are far more beautiful women than her. She could still cut through a person’s heart with her blunt words. She does not care much for riches and prefers food to money. She is not the wife he imagined he would have when he was still thirteen and just beginning to discover what hormones could do to a person.

“Haruhi?”

She raises her gaze at him. He quietly takes in her soft, smooth skin that makes him want to reach for her, the tilting of her head, and the warm, curious stare she gives him.

“Do you regret this?” he asks, vaguely remembering the conversation he had with Fuyumi a couple of years back.

Haruhi falls silent and Kyoya for once has the strangest feeling that she actually knows what he is talking about. “No,” she decides, blinking. “Not yet anyway.”

Kyoya raises his eyes to the ceiling briefly, before he looks back at her. “Sometimes, I wonder why I married you,” he admits.

“Really?” she asks absently as she turns a page of her law book. “I think about that too.”

“Ah,” he says casually. “And what have you thought about?”

Haruhi looks at him, then shrugs. “I have no idea. It’s like, whenever I try to wonder what my life would be if I didn’t gave you that second chance, I feel like the world would stop turning and I can’t breathe, so I don’t bother thinking about it too much,” she pauses, “I can’t afford to have a headache when I have cases coming up, you know.”

Kyoya simply stares. “That… is really stupid,” he says finally, making it sound like he does not feel exactly the same way. (But he does.)

“Well,” she replies in annoyance, frowning, “you did ask.”

There are strong, unnamed emotions inside him. He does not know what to make of them but every time Haruhi smiles at him, _looks_ at him like now, he still feels like he is drowning. Like his world is being turned upside down, spinning and moving around her in an uncontrollable shudder that all air and gravity are lost, and he just wants to sink into the depths and hide in the warm hold of that burning, beautiful oblivion.

Kyoya is aware that even the most powerful figure in history has his downfall, and has always believed pride would be his own until he met her. He feels he does not mind falling from where he is as long as she is there to catch him. He is not a perfect husband, nor the most adoring lover. But days are long and they have their whole lifetime to get to know each other, be a better person for one another, and Kyoya thinks that is enough for now.

 

* * *

**20.**

Love is:

\--- (noun) a profoundly tender, passionate affection for a person.

\--- (noun) a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affections, as for a parent, child or friend; affectionate concern for the well-being of others.

\--- (noun) sexual passion or desire, or its gratification.

*

Kyoya looks at Haruhi and thinks this is _love_.

 

* * *

**END**


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